Tuesday, June 16, 2015

In the blink of an eye...

Four years ago my life changed in the blink of an eye and today it happened again. 
After all these years of constant pain, sickness, surgeries, blood clots and emotional upheaval I finally got the answer as to what it is that is making me so sick. Today I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. For those of you who aren't aware of this disease and what it can do I would encourage you to Google it and do as much research as you can. I can guarantee that someone you care about has, or knows someone who has, this horrible condition. There is still so little known about Fibro, even within the medical community, but there are a lot of great resources online that will thoroughly  explain what is known. The most important thing we know is that Fibromyalgia is real. It isn't psychosomatic, meaning it isn't just "in our heads". It isn't "terminal" in the sense that it will kill us, although it does a pretty damn good job of killing the lives we once had. It won't deform you physically. It is "chronic" meaning it is forever. Once triggered, this horrific disease will be with you for the rest of your life and I have to admit that that is a hard pill to swallow.
During the last three weeks, since my first appointment with the rheumatologist, I had tried to prepare myself for whatever the doctor was going to say. I was prepared to hear pretty much anything as long as I got my answers........or at least I thought I was. When my doctor walked into the room and told me that he had answers for me I was ecstatic. Finally I would be able to put a name on this thing that has stolen my life from me and once it had a name I could fight it head on. Then he said something to the effect of "I wish I could tell you that you have rheumatoid arthritis because I have tried and true treatments for that and I could make you well but I can't tell you that. There is no doubt about it, you have Fibromyalgia." Now, this wasn't a surprise to me, I have suspected fibro all along and felt vindicated after he said those words. At first I was happy. Happy to finally have the answer that I have been seeking for so long but the more the doctor talked and the more his words sunk in I started to get upset. He told me that there is no cure, that I will live with this for the rest of my life and that his treatments may not work. Even though I knew all of this from my research, when I heard it from him, my heart sank. I don't really know why it hit me the way it did. I had prepared myself for this exact outcome. None of it was unexpected yet somehow I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. I guess no matter how much you prepare yourself for bad news you can never truly be prepared. 
Since there is no cure we will start trying to treat the symptoms. He is starting me on two new medications and we are hoping they will help me feel a bit better so I can live some sort of "normal" life. I just pray that it helps and that I don't suffer to many side effects but we have to start somewhere. I will try to update this blog as often as I can and let you all know how things are progressing. Right now I am going to take a couple of days to rest and digest all this new information. Once the shock has worn off I will get down to the business of trying to manage my symptoms and hopefully get my YouTube channel going. I really feel like that is going to be a good outlet for me emotionally and creatively!
Anyway, thank you for reading and thank you for all the love and support! I couldn't get through any of this without it.