I just can't shake the fear......continued

Had a bit of a scare last night. My leg has been hurting quite a bit over the last month. It usually comes and goes, and pain killers usually take care of it, but the last few days it has been constant. When I woke up yesterday morning it was hurting more than usual and radiating through my groin and into my right leg...this obviously concerned me! Pain killers didn't touch it one little bit. Later in the day I ran to Corvallis to help my Grandma out and on my way home the pain became excruciating so I caved and went to the ER in Albany. After sitting there for four hours and having an doppler ultrasound on both my legs and groin, it turned out that the clot was fine. It had not grown and, in fact, appeared to be a bit smaller. The Dr had no idea where all my pain has been coming from, he thinks the most likely scenario is that there is permanent damage to my veins and I will probably have pain and swelling forever.....I hate honesty sometimes! I was already warned by my vascular surgeon that the damage that has been done is not reversible and that I would suffer intermittent swelling and pain for the rest of my life, but I had really hoped that he was wrong....guess not! After I left the ER I felt like a total hypochondriac, freaking out over every little thing! I can't help it though, I have had recurring problems with re-clotting and total occlusion even while on anti-coagulants, so I think the paranoia is justified to some degree.

I feel a bit better today! The pain killers are helping and knowing that the clot has not grown has eased some of my anxieties. I am still very scared of what's to come on the 27th, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I am just going to try to enjoy Christmas as much as I can and give the boys a fun holiday! I can only hope that the new year will bring less pain, suffering and loss! Lisa and I are having a new years party that we have entitled "F**K 2011, Bring on 2012!" and hopefully that will usher in a new and better year!

Until next time. XOXOXO!