Monday, December 24, 2012

Family can hurt you more than anyone!

I hurt! Not so much physically, although that is always an issue, but my heart hurts!
As many of my close friends know, I have always felt very insecure as a parent. When I had Braden 13 years ago, I was young and very inexperienced. I was not yet married and was having to work full time to make ends meet. I was very lucky to have my grandparents by my side and helping me in any way they could! When I went back to work after my maternity leave I had a very hectic schedule and my Grandma was watching Braden for me on a daily basis at my apartment, she never complained but I know it was stressing her to leave so much unattended to at her own home while helping me, so when Braden was a little over a year old we made the decision to let her watch him over at her house while I worked....well, after months of juggling him around we decided it was better for him to just stay there when I was working and come home on my days off. That worked out well, but then as my relationship with Brian got more serious and we were trying to build a life together with crazy schedules, Braden started staying at Grandmas on my days off too....basically he was living there full time and spending time with us on weekends. It was one big extended family, just like how I was raised, and everyone was happy and content. As Braden got older we asked him many times if he wanted to live with us full time, but he always refused saying he was happy where he was and with our loving extended family arrangement! I didn't push the issue with him because A) he was a kid and B) he had his friends and a stable, loving environment.....what more could a parent ask for!?! When Christian was born we broached the subject again with Braden, but his answer was always the same. He was happy, content and loved our family dynamic the way it was. Even though he seemed satisfied with things I still always felt like maybe I should've done things differently, maybe I  should've insisted he come with us, but he still would've been at Grandmas 80% of the time anyway due to Brian and my hectic work schedules. Then last year I got sick, on at least one occasion I was very close to not making it and with all the surgeries and recoveries I wasn't able to care for the kids and Brian still had to work so what was I supposed to do? Now that I am doing better and not working the boys spend about 50% of their time here with us and it has been wonderful! Still through it all I have felt like a very bad mother and now I am getting punished for all of it from the last person I ever expected!
Every year we go the the Grandparents-in-law on Christmas Eve, but with all the John drama this last year we knew we would not be invited. Last week my mother-in-law, who I love dearly, asked if they could take Christian for Christmas Eve, just Christian no one else, Brian and I both said no because we thought it would be unfair to separate the kids on Christmas Eve of all days. She ended up asking again last night, but the answer was the same...well, that opened a flood gate and I was attacked and threatened via text message by my mom-in-law...not John, as I would've expected. I was hurt, shocked and angry! I never expected this from her, ever! I was told that she "was willing to accept Braden into the family, but I couldn't force him on people"! What the hell does that mean?! When I said that I wouldn't separate the kids on Christmas I was told that "YOU made your choice. There will be consequences." (Again, what the hell does that mean?!) And they "miss Christian". Well, that's nice, but what about your other grandson?! I was in absolute shock! I was enraged...I even yelled at Brian which I never do! When I told her that all this was hurting her son she told me "My son never kept me from anyone. You did." I never "kept" anyone from her, not intentionally anyway. But after the meltdown with John last year, I personally had kept my distance, but never kept her from her Grandchildren. I had made an effort to try to ensure that didn't happen! I don't understand where all this is coming from? All this because I didn't want to separate my kids on Christmas? Are you kidding me?
Then today she sent a mutual friend to drop off Christian's Christmas and birthday presents. It was so sweet of him to do it, but it was totally inappropriate to put him in that position! He has nothing to do with this drama. He has his opinions of course, but I am not interested in hearing it right now. All he has really heard is their side so I can only imagine what he must think. What hurts is that he has been my best friend for 15 years, I am the reason they even know him and now as far as I am concerned they are taking advantage of his desire to stay neutral....but that's just my opinion.
I am literally sick over this! I never thought in a million years it would come to this! I don't care how anyone feels about me, but this is hurting my husband and my children and I cannot stand for that! I don't know what I will do yet, time will tell I guess. I just wish it hadn't happened now! I usually love Christmas and now I just want it to go away!

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